The following takes are satire!…or are they? (They are).
After a week long hiatus that I’ll get to later, your favorite weekly series is back and hotter than ever. I Have Questions About, the only thing on the internet asking the tough questions about your basketball heroes, right here on Basketball Society.
Oh, it’s lit.
Now I feel like I don’t owe you readers anything because I’m the one putting in the hours of watching game tape to get these out, but I’m willing to give you a bit of a late Christmas present and tell you why there wasn’t a new edition of this column last week.
Simply put, Mark Jackson had such a hot take, I had to sit in a rocking chair and rub my temples on the front porch while sipping on cold iced tea for awhile. Jackson went full on nuclear Christmas Day and it made me age at least 60 years.
In what may have been the most fair and in no way biased take of all time, Mark Jackson brought up the completely well thought out point that Steph Curry is absolutely slaughtering the game of basketball by being fun.
The man was spitting so much truth, it took my breath away.
Having been the author to break the news of the Warriors being Nazi’s, I’m shocked I didn’t see this earlier. Steph, in his infinite razzling and dazzling, has inspired America’s youths to go to the local YMCA (an impressive feat in itself) and have FUN. That’s right, just go out and let kids haul up threes and try to snap their friends ankles.
You know what rhymes with fun? Run, as in all the other kids will run away from you after seeing how selfish and annoying you are. “Oh cool crossover Brendan, you freaking massive jerk” and then go running off to hang out with the kids practicing post moves, grit, and hustle.
In the spirit of Mark Jackson exposing the truth, I’ve decided to revisit the Warriors and pose some more questions about “Golden” State.
What’s the Golden State?
The Golden State Warriors.
Are you kidding with me?
How did that meeting go? I imagine someone asked what state the Warriors should be based out of and some hippy with a surfboard wandered in and said “woah man, it’s lit. I’m headed out to the Golden State”, and that hippy just so happened to be the owners son-in-law, who was trying to relate with his latest wives son. Absolutely disgusting.
First off, Golden State isn’t even a state. You aren’t allowed to just make up places to play in. What’s to stop the Jazz moving to Asgard or the Magic playing home games in Middle Earth? The answer is absolutely nothing, considering we can apparently just make up locations to put major franchises.
One day teams will be playing in the “Golden State”, the next Spice University will be opening the season up in Flavortown, USA for some Big 12 action.
What Would Happen if This Team Had A Coach?
Now I know what you’re thinking, “But Seany, they have a coach! It’s Luke Walton and kinda Steve Kerr, whenever he gets back from what is apparently the most invasive back surgery of all time!”, and you’d be right…on paper!
In reality, this team doesn’t have a head coach, it has a head friend and I am sick of it.
Listen, it’s great that Walton will occasionally call a timeout for a friendship circle to talk about everyones feelings and make sure all opinions are heard before breaking it up with a “Peace, man on three”. But this is a team that needs some leadership!
You have a forward in Draymond Green getting out and running the floor in transition, plus shooting three pointers! Steph is just hauling up three’s without working it into the post first! Disgusting? I think so.
This is basketball, not ThrowItAroundAndHaveFunBall. This team needs some discipline. Bring a real coach like Byron Scott in there and we’ll see how many contested jumpers Klay Thompson is taking next game. If he could, Byron Scott would personally erase his teams three point line each quarter just to prove a point. Have to appreciate that.
Is Draymond Green Hurting His Team?
Some will say that Draymond Green is the second coming of Magic Johnson. A big body that can get out and run the floor like a point guard, leading the team both offensively and defensively.
Those people are right. Much like Magic, they are selfish and only in it for themselves. The “Showtime” Lakers? More like the “Magic doing some cool stuff and overshadows his teammates” Lakers.
Draymond has recorded three consecutive triple-doubles, his latest Monday night against the Charlotte Hornets. Disgusting. High basketball IQ guys with sneaky athleticism and tons of hustle willing to watch the game tape like like JJ Reddick and Aaron Craft would never dare to steal rebounds or assists from fellow teammates, but look at Green ripping away statistics from his supposed friends. For a team predicated on ball movement, this is awfully selfish play from one of its’ best players.
Stats lead to contracts and contracts lead to money. Draymond Green is literally stealing money from his teammates and I’ve had it. Hardly a coincidence a guy with the last name of Green is stealing money.